Monday, April 22, 2019

Thoughts to Ponder

Thoughts to Ponder

  REALLY BIG LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

  • How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
  • Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
  • Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
  • Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
  • Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?
  • The light went out, but where to?
  • Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
  • Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?
  • Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
  • Why is the alphabet in that order?
  • If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
  • If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
  • What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
  • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
  • Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
  • When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
  • Do fish get cramps after eating?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  • Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
  • Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
  • Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?
  • Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  • Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?
  • If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
  • Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
  • How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
  • Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
  • Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
  • Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
  • Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
  • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
  • Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
  • Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
  • Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
  • Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
  • War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
  • If you throw a cat out the window, is it considered kitty litter?
  • If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
  • If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  • If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
  • Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  • When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
  • Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
  • Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why do they report power outages on TV?
  • What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • What's another word for thesaurus?
  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON. how do they make it stick to the pan?
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
  • If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day. 365 days a year. why are there locks on the doors?
  • If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
  • If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
  • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  • When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
  • If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • Why is the word abbreviation so long?
  • When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
  • If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  • Can a fat person go skinny dipping?
  • Why do you need a drivers licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
  • Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  • Have you ever imagined a world with out hypothetical situations?
  • How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?
  • If a cow laughed. would milk come out her nose?
  • If your in a vehicle going the speed of light. what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  • Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment. but when you transport something by ship. its cargo?
  • You know that little indestructable black box that is used on planes. Why dont they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
  • Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address. you turn down the volume on the radio?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people
    appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as
    cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
  • Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do orientals throw hamburgers?
    Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
  • Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
  • Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
  • The light went out, but where to?
    Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
  • Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
    Why is the alphabet in that order?
  • If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
  • If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
  • What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
  • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
    Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
  • When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss??
    Do fish get cramps after eating?
  • Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
  • Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
  • Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
  • Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?
  • Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  • If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
  • Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
    How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
  • Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
    Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
  • Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
    Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
  • What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
  • Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
  • Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
  • Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
    War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

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